Amanda, who is pregnant, claims to have had no food aversions and she claims to have no food cravings. This makes me laugh.
One reason it makes me laugh is that Amanda is one of the most rational, straight thinking people I’ve ever known. She knows there is a reality, she faces it daily, and she even teaches about it in a high school. So when she claims to have had no aversions and no cravings, I can only assume that denial of such things is itself some sort of side effect off pregnancy.
To be fair, the preponderance of evidence has eventually convinced even her that she has had aversions and cravings. In fact, today she just came out and admitted what she did early today. Here, I will reconstruct the event, and it pertains to Tabouli, the Middle Eastern salad often served as a side dish.
The scene: The local place that sells Tabouli. A young girl with no authority is working the counter.
“Do you have Tabouli …”
“… Yes, ma’am, right here. Like side orders of Tabouli.”
“No, no … do you have Tabouli in larger containers. Like, maybe a vat or something?”
“… Ah, no, like just these little side order things.”
“Well, OK. You do catering, right? What if you were catering something and someone wanted Tabouli…”
Amanda applies one of her teacher looks. The young girl starts to squirm.
“… Like, let me get the manager, OK?”
…. waiting …. for the Tabouli …
“Hello….” said George, according to his name tag. “What can I do for you ma’am?”
“Hello, George. I just want you to know that you’re dealing with a Pregnant Woman with a Craving.”
George, perhaps because of a cultural or gender related barrier, did not quite seem to understand.
“Anyway, I’d like a large amount of Tabouli.”
“… Yes, we have these side orders of Tabouli.”
“No, I’d like more. A larger amount…”
“… Ma’am, I’m sure we can fix you up with whatever amount you want,” continued George, pulling three or four tiny side orders of Tabouli out of the refrigerator.
“More.”
“Excuse me, ma’am?”
“Like if you were catering . If you were catering an event, and someone wanted Tabouli. You would supply a larger amount of Tabouli, correct?”
“Yes, yes, we can cater. For how many?”
“Ten.”
Pulling out a small note pad and beginning to write, “For when would this …”
“Now. Right now.”
And so, when I came home from the coffee shop, there was Amanda and this vat … like whopping big huge vat … of Tabouli. And Amanda. And a spoon.
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This is word for word what happened. Nom nom nom….
At least she didn’t have that same craving at 3:00AM and demand that you do something about it. Because it wasn’t tabouli, but chocolate cheesecake is just as much of a challenge to achieve in Portland at 3:00AM, as I suspect a large vat of tabouli would be there at 3:00AM.
I must also admit that, never having been pregnant (at least never having had the child inside me – I’ve actually been pregnant twice), I have occasionally had the same exact craving. Though I usually want several samosa’s with my massive vat of tabouli. Wondrously, Alladin’s in the Frandor shopping center in Lansing – they don’t argue with anyone about the size of an order. And that would be especially true of a pregnant woman – I know that from experience. If you’re there, pregnant and even mildly agitated, your food comes out at something surpassing the speed of sound.
Five minutes before midnight, during a summer storm of monsoon proportions, Bing demanded through his mother’s vocal chords 10 Arby’s Roast Beef sandwiches with cheese. Arby’s don’t deliver.
I never craved tabouli but I definitely craved vats. Of various things.
LOL
Appropriate mood music to accompany vats of tabouli:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifNmX2RSS8g
Enjoy.
Tex, you just made my night. And it was already pretty good after all that tabouli.
Amanda,
I am glad you enjoyed that. I think that is what Isis would call an ass-shaking jam.
Ah such happenstance – my wife makes an awesome Tabouli and we had some with dinner tonight – I’d invite you over for some Amanda (well you too Greg if you insist) but it is rather a long way 🙂
Haha! I am not a great fan of Tabouli, the little parsley bits keep getting stuck in my teeth…
ROFLMAO
Oh shit Tex, that was just awsome…Truly and magnificently awsome.
I am rather irritable now though, I have another test in half an hour (after getting 3 wrong on the one I just took:(…) and then another 1.25 hours of class and two hours of lab – and I have become overwhelmed with desire for some tabouli – tabouli and a spicy beef schwarma sandwitch…
Damn I’m hungry – must not eat hand…Or my study guide…
I do love me some tabouli!