This is one of the most commonly asked questions on the internet (judging by it’s position in various search engine listings). The answer of course, is, “be bisexual, then.” But a related question that I used to hear more often a few years back but less so these days is this one: “Is everyone basically bisexual?”
My friend Carol would say that all the time. Her husband would look right at me and say “She’s wrong. Just so you know.” Made me laugh.
Anyway, the question is now both asked and answered in an excellent post by fellow ftb.com blogger Greta Christina. Go here and have a look.
Personally, I think most people are sexual, and then individuals are filtered, and they are filtered to varying degrees and there are times when the filters can change. Somehow, depending on cultural and often linguistic factors, those filters get translated into categories. Did you know that in some cultures a man who has sex with other men as a “top” is considered straight, perhaps even very straight?
Anyway, Greta has what might be a slightly different take, but thoughtful and well informed. Go have a look.
Why is it so hard to understand a commonplace thing like orgasms?
I think I know why science does not understand the female orgasm. It is because science excels when it breaks free of context, history, human complexities and anthropology, but when a topic requires one to grasp context, history, human complexities and anthropology, then science, especially the hard sciences, can fall short. Also, the nature of the female orgasm is a comparative question, but human sexuality is highly (but not entirely) derived; It is difficult to make a sensible graph or table comparing aspects of sexuality across mammals that usefully includes humans. It is not as impossible as making such a graph or table with “language” (which is entirely unique to humans) but still, it is difficult.
There is another problem as well. Female orgasm is actually a lot like male orgasm, and probably serves the same evolutionary role with one small but important difference. But, that one small but important difference, the ejaculation of seminal fluid by males, blinds researchers to any other function of male orgasms. Seminal fluid is distracting. Male ejaculation and female ovulation are rough homologues, but entirely different in their physiology and timing. Were it the case that female ovulation could only happen together with orgasm … well, the human world would be a very different place but at least science would not be fumbling around in search of an answer for this enigma.
Recent research on female orgasm
The reason I bring any of this up is because of a paper1, just published, that makes the claim that the “byproduct” theory of female orgasms is unsupported. So, I’d like to take a moment to explain the byproduct theory, to explain why this paper does not really address it let alone refute it, and then we’ll get back to the question of what female orgasms really are for. The byproduct theory will not survive this discussion.
Well, OK, technically if a man is wearing chains he’s not really naked. Whatever. The question at hand is, was sex in skepticism before women showed up? And, when they showed up with their bobbies and all, did they ruin it for everyone?
In a recent study, 56 percent of the women interviewed in a sample of 1800 claimed that they had a “g-spot” which is an area inside the vagina with increased sensitivity with respect to sexual arousal.
According to a study just coming out in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, “variations in emotional intelligence–the ability to identify and manage emotions of one’s self and others–are associated with orgasmic frequency during intercourse and masturbation.”