Gays to Koch: “We are sorry for ruining marriage”

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Amy Koch was the highly placed Minnesota legislator who recently resigned from her leadership post when it became clear that she was about to be, or was being, accused of/caught doing a staff member.

Koch issued an official statement yesterday about the situation:

Amy Koch apologized late this afternoon for “engaging in a relationship with a Senate staffer,” though she did not name the individual.

Koch declared in an official statement that she’s “made some mistakes and errors in judgment” and has “deep regret.” She apologized to constituents, the Republican party, fellow legislators, and her family.

“The events of recent days have been very difficult for me and those close to me,” Koch said.

Although Koch has not named the other person whom she was boinking, it is rumored that it was/is Michael Brodcorb.

Now, who really cares? This is between Amy her boyfriend, her husband, and anyone else who may or may not be involved/uninvolved. But, of course, we tend to make a big deal out of it when the person doing the extra-marital affairing is a Family Values Teabagging Republican Shit, as is the case here.

But really, is it Amy’s fault that her marriage is ruined? After all, marriage in general has been ruined by the gay people, right? Gay people have, generally speaking, ruined everything, including marriage, and other stuff too. So, of course Amy was unable to maintain her Family Values Marriage under those circumstances.

And, to their credit, Teh Gayz have apologized.

The gay and lesbian community of Minnesota has issued a letter of apology to recently resigned Senate Majority Leader Amy Koch for ruining the institution of marriage and causing her to stray from her husband and engage in an “inappropriate relationship.”

“On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community’s successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage,” reads the letter from John Medeiros. “We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry.”

Both Koch and her alleged boinkee Brodkorb campainged hard to get a constitutoinal emendment on the ballot so that Minnesota Voters can Trample Out the Gay by making it unconstitutional to even change the law to allow those gay people to marry. But, apparently, they did not campaign hard enough, too little too late, leaving the barn door open after the horse has flown the coop. And now, sadly, they had to pay. By fucking. And getting caught doing so.

Those Gay People are ruining it for everyone.

And now, the complete text of their letter:

An Open Apology to Amy Koch on Behalf of All Gay and Lesbian Minnesotans

Dear Ms. Koch,

On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community’s successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an “illicit affair” with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society.

We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry. And we are doubly remorseful in knowing that many will see this as a form of sexual harassment of a subordinate.

It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of “adultery.”

Forgive us. As you know, we are not church-going people, so we are unable to fully appreciate that “gay marriage” is incompatible with Christian values, despite the fact that those values carry a biblical tradition of adultery such as yours. We applaud you for keeping that tradition going.

And finally, shame on us for thinking that marriage is a private affair, and that our marriage would have little impact on anyone’s family. We now see that marriage is more than that. It is an agreement with society. We should listen to the Minnesota Family Council when it tells us that marriage is about being public, which explains why marriages are public ceremonies. Never did we realize that it is exactly because of this societal agreement that the entire world is looking at you in shame and disappointment instead of minding its own business.

From the bottom of our hearts, we ask that you please accept our apology.

Thank you.
John Medeiros
Minneapolis MN

Makes me laugh.

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8 thoughts on “Gays to Koch: “We are sorry for ruining marriage”

  1. The schadenfreude is delightful.

    The MNGOP has had 4 resignations (not all caused by gay marriage, I don’t think) and they’re out of money. I see opportunity…. Any chance the legislature happened to give themselves raises recently?

  2. Amy Koch did NOT issue an apology, it was more of a notpology. “While I have not violated any laws or Senate rules, nor misused any state funds or property, I want to express my deep regret…” Interesting sense of right and wrong, wouldn’t you say?

  3. She violated Gawd’s law! Why should he eallowedctoget away with that? Just because she is white, rich, and a rethugican….

    Sorry, that was the caffeine withdrawal, my eggnog latte is now taking over, all is calm.

  4. “While I have not violated any laws

    Didn’t I read something about her state having adultery laws on the book? That would indicate that she has violated a law. Guess which party supports laws like that?

    Reminds me of a certain president asserting that he didn’t break any laws, while there’s a strong suspicion that what he admits to doing while a state minister president amounts to exactly that. Another conservative – what a coincidence. Though this time it’s about being far too close to various business people, some of them rather shady. (And I should probably add that really, the conservatives don’t have a monopoly on these things … maybe it’s just me, but it seems as if they have more of them.)

  5. The state statute in Minnesota provides for something like a year in prison for a married woman who sleeps with another man. The offending male can also serve time unless he did not know she was married.

    The husband must issue the complaint.

    There is no corresponding law providing for a penalty for a man who is sleeping around. That’s OK to do.

    We luvs our family values!

  6. It’s too bad that the husband must make the complaint. I would love to see her hauled before a grand jury and indicted. I wouldn’t want to see her sent to jail for this. My hope would be that the law would be overturned, and we would have the joy of Koch being forced to file the appeal that results in the law being overturned.

    Of course she would then immediately complain that an activist judge had struck down a pro family law.

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