All this video needs is a giant spider

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If anyone reading this knows the (Chinese?) dialects being spoken, feel free to throw in a translation! (Or must make stuff up if you like.)

Below the fold. May not be work safe. Depending on where you work.

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5 thoughts on “All this video needs is a giant spider

  1. “Okay… I’ve got a plan. It’s crazy, but it just might work. I’m gonna sneak up and bite him… and then run away. While he’s distracted by angrily squeezing and maybe biting you, I’ll run in and make another daring attack!”

    It would seem that lizards are terrible friends to have in desperate situations…

  2. Tokays are fierce as hell and territorial, so that must be a pair. They are also very romantic, I have watched their mating dance in my own house and unlike Australians they actually have foreplay before sex. I think that is a flying snake Chrysopelea that bit off more than it could chew.

    I have had many tokays, some of them say “Tok kay”, but others from a different part of their range clearly articulate “fuck you”, hence the stories from the vietnam war of the Fuckyou lizards.

    Once upon a time I invited a homeless hippie chick to stay at my old dead trailer in the woods while I was away for a month on business. She was a comely but highly superstitious and easily frightened person.

    When I came home the door was open and her few meager possessions were scattered on the floor. A plate of rotting food lay on the table and she was nowhere to be seen. I was afraid she was dead so I searched but there was no sign of her.

    It so happened that at the time I had a gigantic male Tokay that lived behind the refrigerator. It was his habit to come out every evening and do a tour around the premises while screaming obscenities at the top of his powerful saurian voice. His voice was so loud that he could be heard hundreds of yards away.

    This is what happened: The first night she slept in the back bedroom, a scary place even by my standards. All night long she heard what she supposed to be a prowler outside screaming â??Fuck you! fuck you! gack! gack! gack! gack!â? She was terrified, so the next night she decided to sleep on the living room couch with the light on. She dozed off, then someone or something screamed â??Fuck you!â? directly into her ear. She opened her eyes to behold a monster from outer space stuck to the wall only two feet away which continued to scream â??Fuck you! Fuck you! Gack! Gack! Gack!â? It was a foot and a half long, very stout, blue with orange polka dots, and had huge eyes with elliptical pupils. It puffed up and opened its mouth, the inside of which was black, then screamed again. There was no rational explanation. It was clearly a demon from Hell so she jumped up and fled for her life into the night.

    About a month later I tracked her down and tried to return her clothes but as soon as she saw me she ran screaming again. Why must hippie chicks always do that whenever I come near?

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