The Trump Letter

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The Trump Letter is here as a PDF.

I recommend instead that you read The Lazlo Letters.

In letters to stars, dignitaries, and chairmen of the country’s most powerful organizations, Don Novello’s alter ego Lazlo Toth pestered his victims for photographs, offered outlandish advice, fired off strange inquiries, and more. The strangest part? Practically everyone answered, leaving Toth with a hilarious collection of outlandish correspondence unmatched in the history of American letters.

The Lazlo Letters contains nearly 100 notes to public figures, including then-President Nixon, Vice President Ford (“I’ve been Vice President of a lot of organizations myself, so I know how you feel.”), Bebe Rebozo, Lester Maddox, Earl Butz, and America’s top business leaders. The replies, says the author, “classic examples of American politeness.”

In an on-going correspondence with the White House, Toth suggests everything from ridiculously corny jokes for the President to use, to a campaign song sung to the tune of “Tea for Two.” He asks the president of a bubble bath company just how to use the product, as the packaging instructions specifically state to “keep dry.”

“No matter how absurd my letter was, no matter how much I ranted and raved, they always answered,” reports the author. “Many of these replies are beautiful examples of pure public relations nonsense.” One is not: columnist James Kilpatrick has a lone sentiment for Toth-“Nuts to You!” 247,000 copies in print.

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5 thoughts on “The Trump Letter

    1. Re: https://transcripts.factcheck.org/trump-letter-to-pelosi-on-impeachment/?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark

      As the comments on that site show, there are some people who just keep parroting the party line (cult’s line, I would say). They even deny or come close to denying that the House of Rep. has the impeachment power. They might have a point about partisan but they ignore that it should apply just as much to Republicans as Democrats. This critique completely collapses, of course, in the face of the near complete stonewalling by the White House, the complete lack of fact-based defense by the House Republicans, and the public statements by Mitch McConnell that he was in perfect alignment with the President’s legal team and was definitely not impartial. If this were a jury trial outside the Senate, he wouldn’t be allowed on a jury. What he should be partial to is getting at the truth for the sake of the country, not avoiding calling witnesses that Trump didn’t allow to testify (itself arguably an abuse of power) who could settle the matter one way or the other.

  1. I read the first paragraph and knew Trump didn’t write it and also that the real writer didn’t really bother trying to put it in Trump’s “voice”. Also, don’t we all know that Trump does not know 6 pages worth of words…

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