War on Christmas Internet Polls

Grrl Scientist took one of those crazy on line polls and discovered that she’s a holiday girl. She notes that the answers to the question “What’s your holiday personality?” seems always positive and festive and crap no matter what you answer, and notes “I mean, who wants to be told they are a holiday grinch?”

Well, if you look at the questions, its pretty obvious what is going on here. This multiple choice test makes very annoying and, in fact, rather offensive assumptions about the personality, life style, proclivity, and culture of the person taking the test. This is typical Christmas Holiday Drivel. It is why we must fight the War on Christmas.

I took a look at the site Grrl Scientist points to, and have made some suggestions as to what additional optional answers could be added to make the poll more inclusive and more culturally sensitive, at lest, to me in particular. I suggest others do the same, adding possible answers where appropriate, so that eventually we can have a REAL holiday poll with REAL choices.

Every year, how do you like to spend the holidays?

  • * Celebrating as much as you can… you have a lot of holiday spirit
  • * Getting all your shopping and chores done early – you have a lot to do
  • * Connecting with people you may have lost touch with over the years
  • * Taking part in traditions you’ve had since you were a kid
  • What I wanted to say: Tell people you are out of town so they don’t bother you, and just stay home.

    What gift are you most likely to give to your friends?

    • * Something hot or trendy
    • * A big holiday party
    • * A charity donation
    • * Home baked treats

    What I wanted to say: I tell people I’m out of town and won’t be back for a few weeks after the holidays, then they forget about the gift.

    What do you look forward to most each year?

    • * Getting holiday cards in the mail
    • * Decorating the tree
    • * Watching your favorite holiday movies
    • * Picking out and wrapping presents

    What I wanted to say: The spike in suicide rate is kind of amusing.

    What Christmas carol do you most look forward to hearing?

    • * Santa Claus is Coming to Town
    • * Jingle Bells
    • * Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
    • * Silent Night

    What I wanted to say: Lesbian Love Songs by the Indigo Girls.

    In your opinion, it’s just not the holidays without:

    • * Sledding, ice skating, popcorn stringing, gingerbread house making
    • * Shopping
    • * A roaring fire and lots of friends
    • * Snow

    What I wanted to say: The assumption by everyone you meet that you are a Christian and that you are having a Good Time.

    Please email this story to everyone you know.

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7 thoughts on “War on Christmas Internet Polls

  1. actually, statistics show that the suicide rate actually abates somewhat during the holiday season. it’s AFTER the holidays are over (and presumably, when the credit card bills hit) when suicide rates increase. you know, in january and february. if i had to guess, the suicide rates peak on valentine’s day, but that’s only my own grinchy guess.

  2. 1) Reading Pharyngula2) An e-mail with the link to Pharyngula3) Staying at home reading Pharyngula while the TV stations run stories about DUI arrests on New Year’s Eve.4) “Christmas in Prison” by John Prine, which I listen to while reading Pharyngula.5) A cynical post by Greg Laden, linked to from Pharyngula.

  3. 1. Reading Greg Laden’s blog2. An e-mail with the link to Greg Laden’s blog3. Staying at home, reading Greg Laden’s blog4. “Crazy for You” by Madonna, which I listen to while reading Greg Laden’s blog5. A cynical post by PZ Myers, linked to from Greg Laden’s blog.

  4. 1. Spending my hard earned money2. IOU’s3. The days between the holidays4. The One about the Dead Grandmother5. My Credit Card

  5. 1)Hiding, stoned and/or drunk, in a friends house.2)A cigarette, if I have any left.3)The free lunch. The free booze.4)”Too Drunk to Fuck.” Dead Kennedys.5)Being sick all around, but not actually in, the downstairs toilet.

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