Do Christmas Songs give you nightmares? They give me nightmares.
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*Please note:
Links to books and other items on this page and elsewhere on Greg Ladens' blog may send you to Amazon, where I am a registered affiliate. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases, which helps to fund this site.
While there aren’t any Christmas songs that give me actual nightmares, seasonal music is at the top of my list of reasons for avoiding the local mall as much as possible this time of year. The metaphorical straw that broke the camel’s back was an arrangement of “Sleigh Ride”, sung by a female vocalist I did not recognize, which was more syrupy than a maple forest. (The original version of the song, a crisp up-tempo instrumental, is actually tolerable in small doses, but the song Does. Not. Work. as a romantic ballad.) It took every bit of self-discipline I had to not run out of that store screaming. Since then, I have tried to do as much Christmas shopping online as I can.
Are you thinking of a change in the new year?
IMHO the problem with Christmas songs is not really the songs themselves. ie: take the hundreds of songs necessary to make a twelve hour recording. Make this the only only recorded Christmas music you hear in a year and stipulate that the recording can only be played once a year. In a twelve hour per year dose I think you will find Christmas music to be at least moderately enjoyable.
What works for me is an hour a day for three days, two hours a day for three days, and three hours on Christmas day. After that the DVD goes back on the shelf for next year.
Which points out that the problem with Christmas music is not the music and songs, even the bad ones can be amusing. The problem is dosage. The “Little Drummer Boy” is sweet the first time. After fifty repetitions I want to shove his sweet little head through the tiny drum head and beat him bloody with the sticks. Rudolph’s nose would light my tool shed and his pelt decorate my floor.
Mall visits are planned like commando raids. In quick, get the job done with deadly precision, a warm feeling of accomplishment as you drive away with fireballs and mayhem in the rear-view mirror.
Ear plugs, perhaps a little Death Metal, help in maintaining calm at the mall as you join in the retail death-match and trample widows and orphans under with hobnail boots to snatch up that vital stocking stuffer at a discount price. Then the mad dash for the exit.
Hint: most every store in your typical mall has a back door that opens on a seldom used service hall that is a straight shot to the loading bay. Park near the loading bay and use this service hall for quick access to the central food courts, the individual shops are locked from the store side, and even swifter exit. As an added bonus those service corridors usually don’t have music or decorations.
Your mission, if you decide to accept it, is to get through the holidays having heard only twelve hours of Christmas music and so maintain your good cheer and mental health.