No problem. They can be taken care of by animal loving atheists.
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
… Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet’s natural life.
You might think this is a joke, but just look at the FAQ’s. Question one is:
Q: Is this a Joke?
A: No. This is a serious offer to our Christian friends who believe in the Second Coming and honestly care about the future of their pets after the Rapture occurs.
So, therefore it is not a joke. The big problem, of course, is what happens if the represetnatitve who is supposed to take care of your pet gets Raptured? Well, they’ve got that figured out too, and it’s in the FAQs:
Q: How do you ensure your representatives won’t be Raptured.
A: Actually, we don’t ensure it, they do. Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation.
Just to see how flexible their services are, I used their contact page to send them this email:
I only have a gold fish, and when I”m raptured, I just want someone to flush it down the toilet. How much would that cost?
Thanks
Greg
I’ll let you know what I get back. Meanwhile, check the site out yourself, here: Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA
Hat Tip: Natalie
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I recall PZ mentioning that service a few weeks ago. I still haven’t decided if I consider it ethical for the godless to fleece the gullible, but there are bigger problems with the proposition. Consider the statement:
“… Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical …”
WHOA! Stop right there. The goddycoddlers who believe the rapture nonsense are most likely to believe that godless people can never be moral or ethical.
I saw the service, too, but it did seem like fleecing the gullible–but they’re used to it, tithing for a sprinkle of magic words every week.
OTOH, there’s a fellow in Northern Ontario who charges $10,000 U.S. (half in advance) for promising to incorporate your ashes into a grotesque sculpture after you die. Look up “Midlothian Ridge” + “eternal plan.” At least he’s visibly working and putting up cement structures.
If you really want to fleece idiot christians, pretend to be one of them and give their pets bible study classes. Together with baptism and pet prayer meetings.
That way, the pets will be raptured along with their insanely gullible owners.
Personally, if there are no dogs in heaven, I wouldn’t call it heaven.
I think the more important point is not what happens their pets but what happens if they are raptured while doing something important.
For instance, should an evangelical be allowed to fly a plane, drive a bus or train or operate on a patient?
What happens if they are raptured doing anything of this nature? It’s one thing thinking that ‘Spot’ or ‘Tabby’ might get locked in a room with no food. Its quite another to think of a pilotless plane flying over a populated city.
Don’t evangelicals care about those left behind?
Wait a second….I think I see now.
This of course IS a joke, perpetrated by the owner of the blog “Atheist Camel Chronicle” that I have been following for several months.
http://atheistcamel.blogspot.com – Notice the link three screens down, right hand column.
His book is delightful! See my Amazon review
There’s an urban legend about airlines making sure to never have both a pilot and a copilot who are saved. This belief seems especially prevalent among actual evangelicals. It also seemed to spike right after Left Behind came out.
The “Belief” section of the Houston Chronicle featured an article on this service, so if it’s a joke some people have been seriously punked. And I was about to sign up as a care-taker – the artcle said they were short on athiests in Texas!
There are also Postmen of the Apocalypse, who have been serving this market for at least a couple years now.
I wanna be a Postman of the Apocalypse!