One of the things that jumped out at me on this story was the list of charges that Donno was arrested for: “fleeing police, speeding, reckless driving, disobeying a stop sign, and car theft.”

You remember in The Simpsons, where Bart is confused by the title of a knife safety pamphlet called ‘Don’t do what Donny Dont does’?

I wonder if something like that happened here, like frankb says. You drive to the nearest river and jump in.