My New Years Resolutions

This year, I will:

  • Totally empty my email inbox every day.
  • Read one classic novel published before 1950 each week.
  • Learn the names of the capitols, mottos, bird and mineral of all of the fifty states.
  • Learn to play five new musical instruments.
  • Lean to speak five new languages
  • In the spring, plant a large garden and live off the produce through the subsequent winter.
  • Learn how to frame pictures from scratch.
  • Reduce my personal carbon footprint to zero.
  • Clean the fridge once a week.
  • Go to the gym every fifteen minutes.
  • Change my own oil.
  • Learn fifty new emacs key combinations.
  • Not eat any jello.
  • See all the species of birds I’ve not seen yet.
  • Learn to develop Kodachrome in my basement.
  • Cut a new CD that makes the charts.
  • Learn to oil paint scenes with lakes with trees reflecting in the lakes.
  • Invent a new and better vacuum cleaner.
  • Stop using snark in my blogging.
  • Complete five levels of Zelda without using a walkthrough or Julia.
  • Find the highest point in Minnesota and name it after Huxley.
  • Capture a wolf, tame it, and give it to Julia for her birthday.
  • Make enough fire starters using old candle stubs, lint, egg cartons and pine cones to last through next spring.
  • Sell everything I own at eBay and replace it all with stuff I get from Target using the 10 percent coupon. Invest the earnings in a socially responsible mutual fund.
  • Use my Dremel tool for something.
  • Catch the largest muskie in Minnesota but don’t tell anybody about it.
  • Get rich and buy Amanda’s high school and give it to her so she’s the boss.
  • Design the first underground house that goes above ground.
  • Learn how to spin lint into fabric. Oh wait, I already used up all the lint. Well, maybe next year.
  • Teach the cat to use semaphore to indicate its needs.

What are your resolutions?

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15 thoughts on “My New Years Resolutions

  1. Damned tough list to live up to. LOL. This sort of reminds me of giving up asparagus during lent when one doesn’t like asparagus.

  2. I think that you can achieve at least half of these things, but the snark part is an unrealistic goal. Cross that one off forthwith.

    When I get rich this year, I will buy the school and make Amanda the boss so she can kick out all the students who disrupt her classes with stuff on creationism.

  3. All very reasonable…except for the 50 new emacs combinations. My goal (no joke) was to learn three. Last year, I added one to my repertoire, but 2010 was a year full of busy-work (read: word processing). Here’s to a year filled with plain text!

  4. I am a ‘vegetarian.’ I put it in quotes, because no matter how hard I try, I’m not sure I will ever be able to stop eating jello.*

    *If only because, with my infection-prone tonsils, it’s generally the only high-calorie thing I can eat along with pudding, since V8 doesn’t cut it. And it’s VERY delicious.

  5. You are one ambitious son of a gun. I’m gonna get rich this year too. I think I’ll try one of them magnetic bracelet thingies. I hear they attract some serious cash.

  6. Integrating comments ten and eleven: I learned this from mythbusters today: The term “son of a gun” refers to the old British Navy where the sailors slept (and apparently fornicated) on the gunnery deck. So a son of a gun is the bastard child of a British seaman.

  7. I absolutely love this post. It reminded me to laugh at myself for all of the things I told myself that I would do in 2011. If I can complete even a quarter of my list I think I will be satisfied. At the moment, I am fulfilling one of my goals, read more posts on Science Blogs. Happy New Year.

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